40/40 - Finding My Voice

There are certain stories we tell ourselves that after awhile, whether they are true or not, becomes secondary to the fact that we behave as if they are true. We find an answer to a question that is asked of us often and we find that answer protects us from further inquiry or pain, we find it keeps people just far enough away from our real truth that is comfortable for all. We find that these scripts shield us from having to do real work in front of strangers and friends alike.

We become the actor playing our character on the stage of life.

But when we step off that stage, we know what we left unsaid and what we left undiscovered in ourselves and by proxy, in others.

For a very long time, I told people that I was "the guy behind the guy." I used words like, "I'm a professional number two" or "I'm a wartime consigliere" or "I'm not the ideas guy, but I know what to do with them" and it gave me a place in this world where people could understand me.

"I go find people with incredible ideas and help them build the side of the company that they don't know how to do, the sales, the marketing, the investment, and the hype. I just want them to keep thinking big ideas and leave the business building part to me."

And it worked. For awhile. I was brought in to be that guy on multiple occasions. Sometimes as the cofounder and other times as the advisor of sprint milestone consultant. I learned a lot in the process about how to do and not do things.

But then I had two conversations less than a week apart from each, one with my Executive Coach and one with my therapist, where that story got challenged, tat script got called out for being an old line from a play that we were no longer watching.

"How does that story serve you going forward?" - Coach

"What about that is still true for you?" - Therapist

I was caught. I had just had that part of my brain on autopilot for years. If I didn't aspire to do more than what I was doing, I didn't have to learn new things, think about new challenges, I could just ride what I had into doing it again.

"What would change if you were the guy with the idea?" - Coach

"What meaning would it have for you to be the founder, not the co-founder?" - Therapist

As a specialist in what I do, I had known I could apply my sales and partnerships skills to almost any situation. I knew how to connect vision to strategy to tactics and get things done. I knew how to rally the troops for someone else. But what would that look like if I had to do it for me? Do I even have an idea worthy of that kind of excitement and activity?

At the time, no. Obviously.  I had been telling myself that I am not that guy and been telling myself that that is not my role in this ecosystem.

But then there was this crack in the story and a little light shown in.

And I had the smallest kernel of an idea.

And then I had another idea that was kind of related.

And then another. And another.

And I was sitting still, so they just kept coming.

So I started a note on my phone to keep track of the loosely connected ideas. Whenever they'd pop up, I'd type out a quick line or two about them so I'd remember them. I added links to articles that were related and saved Tweets that seemed to hint at what I was thinking about and the potential solutions that could one day exist.

This went on for a few months, but nothing too serious came of it. But the ideas kept getting more and more focused and more and more actionable. When I got COVID-19 the week of Thanksgiving 2020, I decided to take the notes and convert them to a Google Doc and organize them.

It turned out I had collected 23 pages worth of notes and ideas in single space bulleted form. I had been thinking about this idea a lot more than I thought I had! Over the course of the next few months, those 23 pages turned into 65 pages and my obsession with this idea hasn't stopped. I have thought a lot about how to bring it into the world, who I'd want to build it with, and what it could mean for the group of people it is meant to serve. I've shared the idea with a handful of really close friends who I respect their opinion in the space and have gotten nothing but constructive feedback.

I think I may have found my voice and found an idea that is uniquely my own. I think I may have found something that will once and for all squash the old script that I am not an ideas guy and I am only meant to be "a professional number two."

As I enter into a new decade a lot wiser and more in tune with myself and the truth that I operate my life by, finding my voice might be one of the most important things to unlock a future that I am so excited about. I can't wait to share more here on this site as we continue to build it out and grow into a place for a lot of people to share their voice as we all Make Room For Many more incredible ideas to come.