Make Room For Rituals
It's tough to know what to expect sometimes. The speed of life these days seems to leave many of us much closer to uncertainty than certainty.
But thank God for the holidays - we always know what to expect around this time of year.
Damn, Andy - 2004 called, they want their sentence back.
Fair. It's more than fair.
Growing up in my family, we lived for traditions. Every holiday on the calendar had a ritual associated with it. Heck, most of them had a few. I don't know if any actually ever said this, but it was something like,
"The first time it's new, the second time it's a reunion, the third time it's a tradition."
But over the years, especially in the past decade, my family's rituals and time-honored traditions have changed. Mostly for the good, mind you, but I can't help wishing for some things from the past.
For Thanksgiving: against all odds and judgments from others, Ocean Spray Cranberry Sauce was brought out uncut as a cylinder showing off its ridges. It is better than any homemade recipe. Ask anyone I've spent Thanksgiving with over the past decade - I'm bringing my can.
For Christmas: my family took turns giving a gift. We started from the youngest person in the room and worked our way up the age range. Once we'd made it through, the youngest would give again. It put the focus on the gifts you were giving and gave you a moment with the person you were giving to.
New Year's Day: my family hosted the Ellwood Family Pancake Breakfast on New Year's Day for 40 years (1978-2018). From the time I was in high school in the late 90s to its finale, we averaged over 100+ people in our home each Jan 1st. Our ritual became everyone's ritual. There are children alive today who didn't know a New Year's Day without Ellwood family pancakes for the first decade of their lives.
I am curious: what rituals did you grow up with around this time of year? Which ones have stood the test of time? What is a new ritual that you've started? What is a new ritual you are hoping to start?
I'd really love to hear what rituals you have. Send me a quick note?
Ritual I Am Starting This Year
I was speaking with some friends about this subject and got this bit of wisdom from the amazing Executive Coach John Zapolski:
I’ve done this for 10 years now. Each year I reflect on what my year meant to me, what it was about, how I make sense of it in the scope of my life. It gets easier to do this over time than it is in the first year.
Then, I think about the ten people who most impacted the year in those ways — it might be a lesson they taught me, a gift they gave me, an experience I had with them, an opportunity they brought about, or something else.
I write them a letter telling them what it meant to me and how and why it impacted me. It is about expressing gratitude but it’s not just a general thanks. Being specific is important and I do my best to share the meaning it held to me and for my future self
The Right Perspective On Rituals
Rituals are how we step into our private field of dreams, a small Elysium all our own. Rituals are made for us and those we want to pass them on to. - Andre Aciman
Framework For Community That I Love
When the amazing Greg Isenberg and his team at Late Checkout were working to sort out if your company was also building a community, they created the TRIBE methodology:
- Togetherness — people have a space to be together
- Rituals — people can participate in routines
- Identity — people feel like they are with like-minded people
- Belonging — people feel a part of something bigger than themselves
- Engagement — people consistently add to the conversation without the need for the brand
Best Explanation of Religion I've Heard
Religion: Meaning, Purpose, Community, Rituals
"I narrow down religion to four components that are helpful to talk about what religion does. Religion is often something that provides us with all of these things. Generally speaking, what human beings historically have gotten from religion is, first of all, meaning, the answer to the question, what is it all for? Is the world created? Is the world created with a purpose? What is out there? Is there a god? Is there energy? Are there spirits? What does it all mean?
Then, related to meaning is purpose. What my personal relationship with meaning is? I'm a human being, what am I supposed to do with my life? How do I interact with this meaning? Do I do something right to achieve nirvana or go to heaven et cetera et cetera?
Third, community, how do I interact with other people who share this communal identity and how do we form a polity around these beliefs? And finally, ritual. What specific and often symbolic actions do I take with or without my community to remind myself or align myself with purpose and meaning?
Tara Isabella Burton on Episode 314 of Hidden Forces
A Ritual We Have Around Here
If you've ever wanted to pick my brain or get access to the rest of the Roomies, it's pretty easy to do.
If you were forwarded this email and aren't already subscribed to Make Room, we'd love to have you join our curious community. You can see those options and explore which one is right for you HERE